How Much for Just the Planet? Tune search

The late John M Ford, author of the original "Star Trek" novel, "How Much for Just the Planet?" (1987), has perplexed its fans for decades now. Just what songs did he write new lyrics for in this madcap musical parody of a "Star Trek" novel?



Mike Ford told us, here in Australia at a literary science fiction convention called Syncon, that his original intention was to list the show tunes in the front of the book, but Pocket Books' editors/lawyers said "No". We didn't think to ask him that weekend if all the songs definitely scanned exactly (and obviously some don't), nor whether this was for legal reasons, but I recall that he was both surprised and impressed that my fanatical musicals friends at the time had guessed as many sources as they had. We shoulda written it all down then!

This page is a work in progress. So here we go:

Please send updates to Ian McLean, web composer, at: lindsay96@ozemail.com.au

Everything we know so far: www.trekbbs.com/

1) p. 75-7: "We thought that you might like to know": Reprised on p. 250-1 as "We hope that you've enjoyed your stay" (p. 76 "From Charms Intramural" - Gilbert & Sullivan's "Ruddigore"; p. 77 "By A Simple Coincidence Few" - Gilbert & Sullivan's "Patience"; p. 77 "Now to the banquet we press" - Gilbert & Sullivan's "The Sorcerer". Those lines are sung by the Enterprise crew in response to their musical greeting from the natives, sort of getting into the spirit of things; they're just quoting something readily at hand in their memories. The locals are doing whole original songs tailored to the occasions.)

2) p. 85: "When first the light of dawning": Perhaps not a song, just a short inscription.

3) p. 87-9: "We'd like to welcome you sincerely". (Note: The last line is "Stompin' at the Savoy Way." "Stompin' at the Savoy" was a Benny Goodman song, however, its verse structure doesn't match.)

4) p. 94-5: "I'm supposed to be a princess": Reprised on p. 106-7 as "I suppose you've heard the story". (Could this have anything to do with either a Disney movie, or the Rodgers & Hammerstein "Cinderella"?)

5) p. 124-5: "Rollin' rollin' rollin'": Identified as "Theme from 'Rawhide'" by Dmitri Tiomkin & Ned Washington. From the "Rawhide" television series.

6) p. 128-30: "From the minute you're born": The evident "title" of this song is "My Own Sweet Tyrannical Way". (Christopher L Bennett once came up with a good fit for this song, based on "Hit the Road Jack". TG Theodore thought that p. 129 started to fit the song "Bless My Beautiful Soul" from "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers", but the scansion falls apart too soon.)

7) p. 138-40: "When I was just a little chap, my father said to me": Sounds very Gilbert & Sullivan, possibly "When I was a Lad" from "HMS Pinafore". (Based solely on the first line, it seems derived from "Lemon Tree", a song made popular by Peter, Paul & Mary. Maybe Ford created a composite song influenced by "Lemon Tree" but with more of a Gilbert & Sullivan structure and subject matter? The verse also fits with "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from "Mary Poppins" by Richard M. Sherman & Robert B. Sherman, but not the chorus. The song on p. 138 also fits the verse of "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" from "The Beverly Hillbillies" television series, but there's a couplet stuck in the middle of it.)

8) p. 161: "Falling apart again": Identified as "Falling in Love Again (Can't Help It)" by Frederick Hollander & Sammy Lerner.

9) Also p. 161: "I'm an automaton": This is "Just a Gigolo" by Leonello Casucci & Julius Brammer, although it doesn't quite fit.

9a) p. 162: "Oh, I / Ain't got no body...": A robot at the pub sings this as it falls to pieces. The two lines quoted in isolation are a paraphrase of "I Ain't Got Nobody" (1915) by Spencer Williams (best known as part of a David Lee Roth medley in which the song is combined with "Just a Gigolo"). The disembodied head singing "I Ain't Got No Body" is an echo (and perhaps an intentional allusion) to Marty Feldman's Igor pretending to be a severed head in "Young Frankenstein".

10) p. 165-7: "Once the screen was really silver": The evident "title" of this song is "Monochrome". (It is sung by 'Ilen the Magian' - anagram of writer, Neil Gaiman. The song title is probably an allusion to Paul Simon's "Kodachrome.")

From Ruth Anne Amsden: "The fence Uhura and Proke encounter alludes to 'Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?' [associated with Rudy Vallée, 1932]. The Stage Manager (guest star John M. Ford himself) sings a line of 'The Whiffenpoof Song': 'Two little lambs have gone astray, baa baa' [also associated with Rudy Vallée, 1927]. Preparing for an evening of shenanigans, Kirk whistles about putting on his top hat [from the Irving Berlin song, 'Top Hat, White Tie and Tails', sung by Fred Astaire in 1935's movie, 'Top Hat']. Illen sings about 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' [Harold Arlen & Yip Harburg's "Over the Rainbow' from the 1939 MGM movie, 'The Wizard of Oz', sung by Judy Garland]."

This page is a work in progress. Last update: February 28, 2022. Thanks to all the contributors from TrekBBS so far: Semah, Christopher, TGTheodore, KTrek, PaulSimpson, tmclough, Tallguy, hbquikcomjamesl and Captain Robert April, among others. Also thanks to Ruth Anne Amsden of the "Literally Star Trek" Facebook group. Cream Pie Chorale, Ruth's fun article/review of the novel, is at Treksphere.