Who am I?

I went to the Dept of Main Roads today, armed with my birth certificate, several utility bills, Medicare and VISA cards - and forked over $50 - so I can finally prove who I am for the next five years, especially when sending parcels overseas at the post office.

Unless you drive in Australia, you're a non entity. Even a passport isn't "valid ID" because it has no street address on it. So now I have an embarrassing pic on a laminated card just like all the drivers out there.

I tried to get a "Proof of Age" card a few years ago, and the woman at the DMR laughed at me. "Proof of Age" photo ID cards were only available to non drivers between the ages of 18-26. Later, they changed the scheme to a more general identification card. The had sent me to the office of Births, Deaths & Marriages for a "Birth Card", but there was a 14-day waiting period to receive it, and a "Birth Card" really did the same as a passport, without the option for traveling overseas.

Mind you, I was one who voted in favour of the Australia Card a couple of decades ago. Even after that proposal was resoundly defeated, the government instigated the wider use of personal tax file numbers to do things like open a bank account, or apply for a job, so they achieved what they wanted anyway. Except I still couldn't prove who I was, unless I was willing to study a manual of road rules, pass a computerised test, and obtain a learner driver's permit I had no intention of using for that purpose.

A licence to stop sneezing

When I was about eighteen years old, I had about six driving lessons - and decided that driving a motor vehicle reminded me of every sport I've ever tried (and detested): all that hand/eye coordination and outwitting your opponent... Ick!

So the world is definitely a safer place without me behind the wheel.

Travelling by public transport has never been much of a nuisance, and the money I save not running a car can be diverted to buying more books, action figures and comics - or booking the occasional taxi.

However, it's whenever I get a bad case of the sniffles - like today - that I run into trouble! In these dark of gloomy days of suspect-your-neighbour-of-everything, it's nigh impossible to buy strong cold and flu medication from a pharmacy without a driver's license, or at least equivalent proof of identity. My passport expired years ago - sigh - but who carries their passport to work and back every day unless you're a drug runner? - and it doesn't matter how choked up with mucous I happen to be, few chemists are willing to sell this potential "ice" manufacturer with pseudoephedrine!

I hear that some drug lords' minions spent their days going from pharmacy to pharmacy buying up cold and flu medication like it's going out of season, the crushing up the tablets to use as a major ingredient in ice.

Gosh, whenever I want ice, I just use plain tap water in a little plastic tray and stick it in the freezer! ;)

Ah choo!

(I did eventually get some cold and flu tablets, but with the hoops I had to jump through to get them, it almost would have been easier for me to go and do the computer simulator exercises, have a few driving lessons and pass my licence test first!)

Non-drivers unite!

You know, I had about six driving lessons - at age 18 or so - and decided then and there that driving a motor vehicle was like every other sport I ever tried to do as a kid, and had all the same skill requirements: hand/eye coordination, outwitting your opponent, etc.

The world is a safer place without me behind the wheel.

And the money I save not running a car buys more books and toys, and pays for the three or four cabs I might need per year. Otherwise, yay public transport and a book to read until I reach my destination (train+walk chosen over a bus any day, though).

After all, the newly re-elected Premier has promised to fix the trains.

And Tellarites might fly.