Beware aliens bearing gifts!

Ambassador Shras of Andor meets Kang and Kodos. The other Kang and Kodos.

Or indeed, Smurfs!

Jingle bells, Batman smells...

Okay, young whippersnappers! When did the words of this famous 1960s Christmas carol parody get perverted? (Well, even more perverted than from its "Jingle Bells" origin?)

Every kid I knew in 1968 knew it as:

"Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away.
The Batmobile lost one wheel,
All on Christmas Day."

I'm sure that is the version that ended up in one of those June Factor & Peter Viska collections of Australian school rhymes and chants ("All right, Vegemite!", "Far out, brussel sprout!" and "Unreal, banana peel!", etc). In fact, in 1968 - or '67?, definitely around the time of the Adam West/Burt Ward "Batman" TV series - my Batfriends and I were not only singing it, we thought we'd invented it!

Imagine my surprise when someone at TrekBBS had, as their current sig line:

"Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg.
The Batmobile lost a wheel,
And the Joker got away."

"Ummm," I told them gently, "You've remembered some lines incorrectly..." Now, even allowing for Chinese whispers-like variations, and numerous regional variations, "egg" doesn't even rhyme with "away"!?

"That's the point," I was reminded.

And, from someone dismissing mine as "the Australian version" (which it obviously is!), who boasted, "I know it doesn't rhyme, but we Americans don't need no stinkin' rhyming."

Then, yesterday, someone offered this 1992 clip, from "Batman: The Animated Series":



Mmmmmm. 1992? As if that's somehow definitive? But do I really want to pick a fight with the Joker? I don't think my Robin outfit (see top of entry) even fits me any more. Certainly not as well as it did in the 1980s.

Someone even offered other line variations: Batgirl broke a leg...; Mr Freeze cut the cheese...; and agreed that there were "lots of arguments about the correct lyrics". Even Wikipedia wasn't definitive. Not that it ever is, but then that's the point of Wikipedia. A disturbing number of uninformed youngsters on the Internet attribute the song's origins... to Bart Simpson!

Our guess, over on the bbs, was that the song was inspired by the Adam West "Batman" series, which premiered in the US in 1966 - but how schoolchildren circulated the, ah, "Jingle" jingle so quickly around the whole planet is a testament to pre-Internet communications.

In those days, a TV show which premiered in the USA in September didn't reach Australia until the next February, so the time lag was extremely useful for marketing departments, not to mention toy manufacturers, TV tie-in books, and their distributors - and most of the kids were oblivious to what they'd been missing out on for all those months.

The Internet is the great equalizer, since I'm usually as current for "Star Trek" and "Batman" goss as the rest of the world - and even ahead of the USA sometimes, when the International Date Line works in my favour, such as the upcoming premiere of JJ Abrams' upcoming "Star Trek" movie!

On the first day of Christmas

I was very slack/busy this year and almost didn't get my Christmas tree up in time. The school year went right up to the Thursday of last week (21st), a week later than we used to experience in the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s - and soooo inconvenient for doing Spring cleaning, decorating for Christmas and relaxed shopping. The last few years, in order for the Easter break to be longer, we break up later and it seemed like I was still writing comments for students' report cards when I shoulda oughta been tidying up around the house.

Last night, I was still decorating the tree and it occurred to me that I can relate many anecdotes about my Christmas ornaments. In the early 80s, I'd read an article in one of my Mum's old "New Idea" magazines, of a young married couple, so short of money after their wedding, that they had no money left to buy many decorations for their first Christmas together. They ended up pooling their cash and buying just one single ornament, which they dated - and thus began an annual tradition: of buying one, perhaps fairly expensive, unique ornament. Over the years they built up a Christmas tree full of important memories, and the cumulative effect of such a, um, well-hung(?) tree is infinitely more special that one covered with the contents of a bag of el cheapo baubles from the local Two Dollar shop.

The idea really appealled to me, especially because there fashion and decorating trends are even reflected in Christmas ornaments - certain styles, colours, glittery effects, commercial tie-ins, etc that firmly root a particular ornament to a time and a place - so when I knew I was about to buy my first home unit, I used a trip to the USA (December 1983) to start my hunt for unusual ornaments, to scrawl dates upon and perhaps to imprint some favourite memories, for my own tree. Of course, I couldn't restrain myself to two ornaments that first year, and I've usually try for one expensive, and one el-cheapo-but-cute, ever since. Watch this space over the twelve days of Christmas!



Above left: For 2006, a Hallmark "Superman Returns" over the Daily Planet; and a Homer Simpson as Santa, complete with stolen candy hidden behind his back. The Superman came from a local Target store and Homer from "The Simpsons" was a souvenir of the recent staff shopping trip (the Christmas Cave at Alexandria).

Above right: For 2005, a silver and frosted glass snow ballerina from a Christmas store cut-price sale in Katoomba in the Blue Mountains; and Spiderman carrying a webful of toys, purchased from The Phantom Zone comics collectibles shop in Parramatta.

Shop till I drop

You know, I'd often heard about these wacky "shopping trips" - whereby a busload of shoppers are toured around a variety of factory outlet stores one Saturday before Christmas - but I never dreamed I'd ever be on one.

What a hoot. I was saved from being the token male because one woman brought along her husband - and the coach drive was also male - but the rest of the gang were female work colleagues, former work colleagues, and many of their friends and relatives, all armed with huge shopping bags and a purse full of credit cards. most were very experienced. a few had been joining this annual event for at least fifteen years.

The idea, I guess, was to raise funds (through commissions for dollars spent, and raffled prizes) but it was also an great excuse to bond with work colleagues, find some great bargains, enjoy a nice lunch, and have many laughs.

I am also thrilled with my purchases: some large Egyptian cotton bath towels, a glass wine decanter, an electric knife, cool new sneakers, a huge bag of assorted chocolates (based on the results of numerous free taste tests), a Homer Simpson Christmas decoration, an hilarious Batman Christmas stocking, and something I've been searching for, for about eighteen months: the elusive Julian MacMahon "Doctor Doom" action figure from "The Fantastic Four" motion picture! (What is more, he was only $8.95.)

Explaining my excitement for some of these unique finds was... interesting. I've already hung up the Batman stocking in case Santa visits early. Merry Christmas and my bats regards.