Okay, so I bought a big bag of Kenman's
Party Mix lollies (candy for the US readers) - and they're 99% fat free - but they are not the expected traditional varieties. No snakes, no bananas, no black cats, no strawberries-and-cream. A few jelly babies, sure, but the rest of them are quasi-fruit jellies in "party" shapes: little chocolate ice cream cones, cupcakes, drink bottles, shooting stars, life-sized lips, mobile phones(?) and decapitated clown heads. And you know what? Those clown heads taste funny. Boom, boom.

On Friday a parcel arrived from Amazon. About two months ago, I finally tracked down a cute little Christmas ditty that
Baz & Pilko (Barry Ion and Tony Pilkington) used to play in the late 80s on Sydney radio station 2UW's breakfast show, now the home of
MIX 106.5 FM. Every Christmas, little comedy guest voice,
"Peter Plus", used to introduce a song, supposedly sung by his kid sister,
"Personality". (Personality Plus, get it?)
The song concerned someone, strongly suspected of being Santa Claus, who was stuck in the chimney on Christmas Eve, and met his demise up there, and was still stuck a day, then a week, then a month, then a year later. "Plussy" (voice of Barry Ion, IIRC) never gave a lot of notice that the song was about to be played, so taping it off-air was impossible. At the time, and over several years, I tried to find out the details of the song, since I suspected it was a commercial track from the USA. Rummaging through the Comedy Section of many record shops didn't bear fruit. A friend, who knew one of the 2UW on-air personalities, music guru
Gary Jaegar, also drew a blank. Gary had told us the song was probably someone's old demo track and therefore not available on record. So I stopped looking.
Well, thanks to the wonders of
Google and the Internet, typing in
Santa "stuck up in the chimney" brought me, not only the full song lyrics to "The Chimney Song", as sung by one
Lorna List, but also a link to
Amazon and the CD version, on which the song is available as Track #2. And so "
Twisted Christmas" (1987), by the
Bob Rivers Comedy Corp, arrived at my place - after a short delay while Amazon restocked (in time for Christmas, I presume) - but missing my Midwinter Christmas party by a full two weeks. Sigh.
Gosh! The coveted lyrics are now available as a
ringtone, and even as a little window for a web page! Isn't technology marvellous?
It was Amazon's second recording miracle in recent months. My dog, Jack, accidentally broke a friend's precious 78 RPM record of
Spike Jones and His City Slickers singing the novelty song, "Wild Bill Hiccup" (1949). This was a song from Maria's childhood - or, more likely, her mother's childhood - which the family played on her grandmother's antique, hand-cranked record player - and Jack destroyed the 78 in one, ah, record leap onto a chair (after the stack had been moved during some renovations to their house). Good ol' Amazon. Look what I
found with a little diligent searching. Now, I'm sure my friend won't need to hear "Wild Bill Hiccup" on CD all that often, but at least I know that she
can, if she so desires, and without thinking black thoughts about Jack-be-nimble and his mountain goat-like feats.